“I Love Milk” and “Fuck Ron”

And Other Things the Student Subconscious Has Etched Into C167


When asked what I would like to cover for my last article I said “Something very serious and important” so my editor told me I should cover the lab renovations the science building is getting over the summer. I did not cover the lab renovations the science building is getting over the summer. Here’s a riveting story on what students have written in C167 over the years.
You can’t graduate Augustana without having at least one class in C167 but you‘ve probably never looked further than what was written on the desk immediately in front of you. Given the fact that the name Shawn Thorton was written 17 times, that’s probably what was in front of you. These etches give us a unique opportunity to examine what students really think about.  The old worn down wood in C167 has invited people to immortalize themselves with timeless messages like “I was here” and “I love Milk”.

For the first time in human history an environment has breed the perfect conditions for examining the human subconscious. What do students value? What classes are the most boring? Does everyone really just want to have sex? Although my methodology is and always will be highly flawed, I’m not too worried about anyone disputing this data because nobody cares. C167 contains four ‘Beavers’, one ‘Jim Dod is gorgeous,’ twelve illunimati symbols, two ‘butthole surfers,’ one ‘Fuck Ron’, four ‘Math’s’, the entire Alphabet  from A to Z , A heart with the word porn written in it,’ one ‘Zeus,’ the word ‘cock’ three times, the years 1998 and 2004, and my personal favorite ‘Eat the Rich’.

What does all of this mean? It means that classes containing math, beavers, and Zeus are commonly taught in C167. It means some dude named Jim Dod was gorgeous and that some dude named Shawn Thorton rotated sitting in 17 different spots so he could ensure that he would one day be included in an article like this. That people are bored enough to write out the entire alphabet and perhaps most importantly, that my soul mate, the person who wrote ‘eat the rich,’ likely went to school here in 1988 and has since died of natural causes. C167 is like a metaphor for life.

Some things change and some things stay the same (God I’m eloquent). It’s a reminder that all people who’ve passed through C167 over the years were once just like us-obsessed with Sex and the Illuminati. Although we’re technically ‘adults’ and society expects us to build infrasture and have children I maintain that you’re never too old to write the phrase ‘bar sluts rule’ on the side of a bathroom stall ❤

Most commonly used phrases etched onto the desks in C167.

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